One Woman’s Story
After my abortion I found myself fighting to forget. I initially avoided babies and children and then I became involved in the pro-abortion movement. That was short lived because just hearing the abortion word would lead to deep anxiety.
In an attempt to convince myself that abortion had been a good choice, I turned to drugs and alcohol to numb every emotion. Because of the haunting nightmares of crying children, it was difficult to sleep without being high.
I remember once, I cried all night. I didn’t realize that it was my child’s due date. So, I just thought I was going crazy. My head could not acknowledge my loss, but my heart did.
Anger became my friend. If I was angry, I didn’t cry. Initially this anger was directed at my baby’s daddy. I blamed him for the abortion because he forced me, threatening to abandon me if I didn’t make that choice.
My mind offered many excuses to justify my choice. I thought my education was more important than having a baby. I couldn’t break my parent’s heart with an unexpected pregnancy. The Christian college I was attending had a policy of expelling pregnant unwed women.
Anger offset the pain. For eleven years I was able to control these emotions except for the rare circumstances when the abortion term was featured in the media which always triggered this pain.
Later, when I gave birth and experienced the love for my living children, it left me with deep emotions regarding my lost child. I didn’t realize that my mother’s heart would be unable to forget the child that I had aborted.
There was a life event that shook my heart ten years after my abortion involving the death of a dear friend. This unexpected grief in her death opened my heart. The clouds that hung like curtains on my eyes were removed. My heart finally broke apart as I thought about my lost baby.
I found myself crying whenever I thought about my abortion. My anger shifted towards myself. I recognized my own role in the abortion decision and guilt and shame overwhelmed me. Day and night my heart ached.
I finally allowed myself to recognize my lost child as a missing person which was painful. Then I found a brochure that outlines the symptoms of Abortion PTSD. Those symptoms described the exact way I was feeling.
In knowing the source of my pain, I found relief and was able to search for help. I discovered that what I was enduring wasn’t unique but common among post-abortive women. What a relief to know I wasn’t going crazy.
Then I joined an abortion recovery class and met other post-abortive women who felt just like I did. I began to learn how much God loved me no matter what choices I had made.
I began to apply God’s truth to my life. It was a healing balm. I discovered there was no sin that God couldn’t forgive, even abortion.
By believing the truth that Jesus Christ died on the cross to pay the penalty of my sin – my abortion sin – I was set free. When Jesus rose again, He offered forgiveness and eternal life to each of us.
I was released of my sin of abortion but there was more work that needed to be done to complete my healing.
During the recovery class I was able to surrender the emotions that had held me captive for years. These included denial, anger, fear, grief, guilt, shame and sorrow. In processing every emotion of my abortion I found deep healing. At the end of that class I felt 100% better.
Since that time, God’s healed more areas of my heart and He can do the same for you.
Please know you are not alone. There are millions of individuals around the world that quietly experience this same pain.
This website, HerChoicetoHeal.com, is designed to help you walk through your own emotions related to your abortions. You can discover the same healing that I received
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Hello, I am Sydna Massé Founder and CEO of Ramah International and the author of Her Choice to Heal. I'd love to keep in touch and include you in our prayer chain as we continue to serve abortion's wounded and those considering abortion.
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